What a busy time

September has been a busy and stressful month for me. Each weekend so far has been filled with weddings, a baby shower, my nephews combined birthdays and for the final weekend my younger brother’s wedding. Getting in and out of the car constantly to get in my wheelchair and trying to find a way into a building that has no handicap access is very nerve racking and makes me feel very out of place.
Along with the constant weekend adventures is the fact that school has started back up and I’m so exhausted that I find it hard to find time to write my memoir that I’m doing for class.
Along with all of this stress comes the realization that my life doesn’t seem to be moving forward like I had hoped. All of the weddings and my future niece’s baby shower got me thinking about my own life. I’m 33 and I still live at home out of necessity. I know if I was healthy I probably would have a job or two, a family of my own and been married a long time ago. Unfortunately, those dreams were not dealt to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that I’m still alive to witness all of these events because at one point I thought I was going to be taken from this world by means of a medical problem that arose, so I will forever be thankful for what god has given me,. I just feel, this month, like everyone is leaving me behind.
I am hoping that next month will calm down a bit so I can regain my positive attitude about life and keep trudging forward to making my life and health better for myself.

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Remembering

I haven’t walked in 9 years and sometimes it’s difficult for me to remember what it feels like to stand up on my own or to feel my muscles moving as one as I walk. However, when I was writing a piece for my memoir all of the feelings and pride of making progress came flooding back.
The certain piece I’m talking about has to deal with when I was gaining some movement in my body those 9 years ago. I was listening to another patient trying to go further than the spot she had reached the day before. I remembered how it felt to know that you are able to take steps and stand and how good it made me feel at the time. So without thinking about what I was doing I started rooting for her out loud, encouraging her letting her know that deep down inside she had the strength to go a little farther. The result was worth it because she surpassed her goal by 10 steps.
Even though it wasn’t me walking I still felt the victory in the progress she made. Remembering this helps me today. I know I will walk again and all I need to remember is that I just have to look deep down inside myself for the strength I need if I ever feel like I cannot do something.
That can go for anything in life, if you want something bad enough just look inside yourself and the strength you need to succeed is right there waiting for you.

Brain freeze

I know I have not written in my blog for a while but I was having a writers crisis.  I was trying to figure out what I should write in my blog and also having trouble with my memoir.  Finally, yesterday I realized that this is my blog and I named it yassieslife because well it is about me, my thoughts, my challenges, my achievements and anything else I want to write about, so whats the problem.  With my memoir, I am having trouble with description and a little bit of memory but that I will have to talk to my professor about or if anyone has any hints they would like to share I would take any advice. 

Anyways, right now I am thinking about my challenge of trying to walk.  I feel like I am so close to being able to stand on my own, I just have to figure out how to work on the muscle that helps me extend my knee and also keep working on my hips, all of these muscles are essential to walk.  The only hard thing is finding the right exercises to work them out.  It doesn’t help that I am in a wheelchair and am doing all of this from my house.  I may sound like I am complaing and maybe I am but hell, I can complain a little it doesn’t mean I am going to give up.