Hope

Today I went to the physical therapy gym because they have all the equipment I need to get a quality workout and it is fit for a person in a wheelchair.  It got me thinking however, I remember when I got out of the hospital in 2006 when I came out of the locked-in-syndrome.  I was working with a physical therapist who was also teaching a student.  At that time I had little to no strength at all.  The student working with me was doing most of the work because I would tire out pretty quickly. 

Simple tasks that we all take for granted like:  sitting up, holding yourself up rolling from side to side, and even using your arms and hands to lift or position you no longer came easy for me.

Yet, here I am 8 years later and the student that was helping me back then is now my physical therapist, who is helping me with the smart bike that I am trying to acquire.  I was doing an evaluation with him after a few weeks using the bike and everyone there including myself noticed the change from then to now.  I was moving across the mat with no help from anyone except to hold my legs together to work on an exercise and I even stood up with his help.  My mom told me that all of the therapists stopped what they were doing and just watched because they were all there at that time.

Remembering all of this while I was doing independent gym gave me an euphoric feeling that made me want to keep working and not to give up because if I have come that far then who knows how much longer it will take me before I will start walking again.  The only thing standing in my way is my own insecurities and fears which I have to put aside to reach my goal.

Pick a season already!

This crazy weather has been making me sick these past few weeks.  The weather can’t seem to make up its mind on whether or not it wants to be warm or cold.  With my MS the weather can play havoc on my body and my disease.  I cannot get to hot because I can have another flare up and if it is cold I cannot get warm unless I have tons of blankets. 

I remember the time before I got sick when I would run around in the blistering 100 plus degree heat, where you could see the heat waves in the air like billions of fingers brushing your skin with feather like caresses and when I would run down the ice cream man, with no shoes on, bouncing from one foot to the other ordering a 50 cent Rocket Pop and then finding the coolest spot available to eat it.  I also remember running around in the rain in shorts and a shirt not caring if it was cold because I knew I would get warm once I went inside. 

Unfortunately those days are gone and when a warm to hot day comes along I am confined inside with the cool air or if it is cold I am confined inside with a pile of blankets covering me.

I know I cannot live in the past, however I have to live for now but that doesn’t mean I can’t miss the freedom of going outside no matter what the weather is like.

The decision has been made!

I have finally come up with the decision to start an online fundraiser to try to raise the money for the smart bike that I am trying to get. I have been to the physical therapist and have used this amazing bike twice and am amazed how well it works. On my last appointment I rode for 2.25 miles! No one had to help me pedal all they did was to place my wheelchair in the right position then anchor it to the machine and hook me up to the electrodes and from there the system can tell if I need help, whether or not my muscles are fatigued and what muscle needs help.

I researched the many online fundraiser sites and went with GoFundMe. The link to my page is http://www.gofundme.com/7y475s 

I have raised $300 already and am excited.

What to do…

During my lazy spell of not working out and right before I got back on track, I was doing some research on the web for an easier machine I could use to get a cardio workout. I have an exercise bike that my dad and I use but we have to Frankenstein the thing so that my legs don’t get banged up. It is very strenuous for my dad and I don’t want him to hurt himself.

I typed in cardio workout for people in wheelchairs into google and low and behold a link to this wonderful smart bike popped up. This link was to a place called Restorative Therapies, Inc.  There they have this bike that is specially made for people with spinal cord injuries, people with MS. (like me), or for peple that are in the ICU and are in a coma.  This bike has electrodes connected to it to stimulate your major muscle groups and helps with atrophy, spasms, spasticity and can build up your muscles even if you have no mobility… I so want this bike for so many reasons but this is where I am having the dilema.  My insurance company will deny it at first and then the company will appeal and that can take about a year. so I thought I would be proactive about it and try to raise the money myself because I don’t have the money to buy it outright.  I told my parents about that idea and my dad was not on board with that.  So what do I do?  Listen to my dad; even though I am 32, and not raise the funds myself or do I just do it anyways.

I have been mulling this over for about two weeks and am still not sure.  I know what I want to do but what will be the consequences if I do. 

I guess I will just have to think about it a little more before making a decision.