Birthdays

26 years ago today my baby sister was born. She was my little miracle because I wished and prayed for a sister even though the doctor told my parents it was going to be a boy. Even before they were headed to the hospital I told my parents at the front door “don’t bring it home unless it’s a girl”. I laugh still to this day over my comment even though I was only 7 years old at the time.

To everyone’s amazement, except for mine, a beautiful baby girl was born 3 hours later. To this day I thank god for bringing my sister into my life and still do as I promised god and take care of her as much as I can even though she is married. I still love her with all of my heart and soul, she is one of my best friends who I can go to when I need a shoulder to lean on and I am here for her when she needs to vent.
Our paths may have gone in two very different directions but where ever we are we are always in each others minds and hearts. I would not change anything in my life because to do so would mean I might change the course of not having my baby sister. Not having my little miracle in my life is not an option.
So, to my sister whom I love more than myself Happy Birthday. I am sorry that I cannot get you a present but I can give you my love.

Loved? What is that?

By the time I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of 10 I had already been paralyzed on my entire right side, subjected to the side effects of IV steroids and Prednisone, was ridiculed about my weight by a stupid boy and I went blind for a short time.  At that age people are beginning to form their own identities and gaining or losing self-esteem, well I lost my self-esteem with one word, fat.  That boy called me fat and ever since I have been shy always worried about my weight and never sure enough that anyone would like me.

This went on throughout high school and into college.

It is safe to say that I never had a boyfriend had never formed a real relationship with a male.  I am 32 and still am in that same boat and not sure how to get out.  It is frustrating because I don’t get out much due to my lack of vision and mobility and many people see my wheel chair and not the person I am.  Is it really impossible to fall in love when you are not sure what to do to attract a person? 

The only examples I have to go on are my family members who are all married and TV and film.  The only thing I know is that I am lonely and do not wanted to go through life never having been loved.