Hope

Today I went to the physical therapy gym because they have all the equipment I need to get a quality workout and it is fit for a person in a wheelchair.  It got me thinking however, I remember when I got out of the hospital in 2006 when I came out of the locked-in-syndrome.  I was working with a physical therapist who was also teaching a student.  At that time I had little to no strength at all.  The student working with me was doing most of the work because I would tire out pretty quickly. 

Simple tasks that we all take for granted like:  sitting up, holding yourself up rolling from side to side, and even using your arms and hands to lift or position you no longer came easy for me.

Yet, here I am 8 years later and the student that was helping me back then is now my physical therapist, who is helping me with the smart bike that I am trying to acquire.  I was doing an evaluation with him after a few weeks using the bike and everyone there including myself noticed the change from then to now.  I was moving across the mat with no help from anyone except to hold my legs together to work on an exercise and I even stood up with his help.  My mom told me that all of the therapists stopped what they were doing and just watched because they were all there at that time.

Remembering all of this while I was doing independent gym gave me an euphoric feeling that made me want to keep working and not to give up because if I have come that far then who knows how much longer it will take me before I will start walking again.  The only thing standing in my way is my own insecurities and fears which I have to put aside to reach my goal.

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That much progress?

I was talking with my mom the other day about a co-worker of hers and it got me thinking of the last time I saw him.  It was on my 30th birthday and it was a huge party.  He had come before the party had started because he had to work later and that got me thinking of where I was during our conversation.

I was in my room lying down in my hospital bed because I tended to get worn out pretty quickly so I was resting before the party.  At that time I was still wearing diapers, not very independent and could not move around much.

That was two years ago and the progress I have made since then is amazing to me.  I no longer have that hospital bed, do not wear diapers, move around freely around the house with my wheelchair and work out with my mom and am working on trying to stand and walk.

I now realize that the determination I had back then to get out of that hospital bed is what I need to help me with the goals I set for myself at the beginning of this year.  If I stick with it I know I can reach that goal.