The end of September is finally here and even though it was a very busy month for me due to all of the weddings, my future niece’s baby shower and nephews birthday I feel sadden by it all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for my older brother having a baby girl and my younger brother getting married and not to mention my sister and her husband finding a house to finally move into, I just feel like I am being left behind in some way. All of these great things are happening for my siblings and they are moving forward in their lives but I’m still stagnant not moving forward or backward just in limbo.
I honestly don’t want to feel like this, I want to be happy and am in a way because I want to see good things happen for my family but at the same time I also want to see something good to happen for myself. I would love to find someone to share my life with or even to travel but here I am still in the same spot as I was a year ago.
I know I have to be patient and have a positive outlook on my life but it just takes a toll after a while when nothing seems to be happening. My time will come one of these days I just have to keep hoping, I can never give up hope it is the one thing that has kept me from true despair.
Yesterday I was busy listening to the Boston Marathon due to the fact that my cousin was running in it! I was so proud of her when she told my family last year that she got an invitation to run in the marathon but she said she wasn’t going to run until 2014. So when the bombing of the marathon last year occurred my dad, who forgot that she wasn’t running that year, came home crying thinking she was there. Both my mom and I had to try to get a hold of her to reassure him that she was ok. We finally reached her and to make him feel calmer she jokingly said she would have been back in the hotel when the bomb went off. Even though that bomb was in no way a joking matter my dad was relieved.
So this year I was excited and nervous waiting to find out how she dd. I did not want anything to go wrong again and for any more innocent people to get hurt or worse, killed. The bombing last year still does not make any sense to me and I still wonder why anyone would want to cause such pain and tragedy.
Thankfully this year went off without a hitch and my cousin finished in 3.43 hours! I was also pleased to hear that there were people in wheelchairs in the marathon as well! One of these days I would like to run in a marathon if I get to walk again and see how I do.
Asking for help has to be the hardest thing for me. I was always used to doing things for myself and also taking of others. I never was impatient or sighed over the things I was asked to do nor did I role my eyes if I had to help someone with something. I was raise from an early age to know that that was my job and it really didn’t bother me. I am now on the other side of that coin. I am dependent on others to help me do things for me that I would normally do for myself. For example, make myself things to eat, shop for myself, find items that I cannot find or just help to get around outside. It would be ok if my family members wouldn’t have that hard edge to their voice or that heavy sigh or the rolling of the eyes that I know they do even though I can’t see. They don’t mean to it is just a reaction but it makes me feel awkward to want to ask them anything. Don’t get me wrong my family is great and I know they are busy but if I could do these things on my own believe me I would do them but I can’t. This is just my mini rant for today thanks for listening.
Growing up, you don’t see your parents as being your friends. They’re your parents. Well, going through all of the milestones in my life taught me that your parents can be your friends and sometimes your best friend. For me, my mom is my best friend. I can tell her anything, I know she will not judge me for any mistakes I make just guide me, and she is awesome to hang out with in everything we do. So yesterday that’s what I did, I hung out with my best friend. She has been overloaded with work lately and has been working 6 out of 7 days of the week and most of the time she is exhausted, so when she asked me if I wanted to catch up on our shows that we missed I jumped at the chance. That meant no computers, no books, no phones and no homework just me and my mom, and yesterday was a great day.
I love and hate this time of year. I hate it for many reasons; the flu runs rampant and even though it is supposed to be Thanksgiving and Christmas people are grouchy, rude and mean as hell. Everyone is in a race to get the turkeys, fixings, black Friday deals ( the worst), the best Christmas tree, and no one remembers their excuse me’s or thank you’s. Why this is I do not know, what happened to the nice get togethers for Thanksgiving with your family and being thankful for what you have and not worrying about what you don’t.
This Thanksgiving has really opened my eyes to what I am thankful for. It was the first time my grandmother came to a Thanksgiving, the first time in 3 years my sister and her husband were home, the first time in about 8 years all of us children came over and spent time together on that particular day.
So to keep up that feeling, I am trying to remember how it was when I was younger. Decorating the tree, baking cookies and all of those delicious goodies that people cringe from, making people laugh just to bring some kind of cheer and be thankful that my family is doing alright.
That is what I loved about this time of year and I am going to make sure I remember to love it again. Hopefully if I can spred it around my loved ones it will spread from there and if not maybe writing this will help. 🙂